Tears of a Drowning Heart

To The Lad I used To Own,

              

Frail as a dying star, my existence became unseen by everyone around. Floating as the night’s somnolent clouds do, I was being carried away by a drastic fate. And, worthless as the moon without its beloved sky, I wonder alone – all by myself along the lonely forest of my life.

             

 How are you tonight? Are you amid the pain of unwanted solitude? Or are you in the midst of mirth with the last who took my place? If that’s the case, I would be happy for you though that fact would surely crumble my heart. Well, the important thing is, you are alright

              

Are you thinking of me right now? Are you wondering about my condition? Are you asking yourself if I am thinking of you? I bet you’re not. But if, somehow, I was wrong and I was truly inside your mind at this time, let me tell you how I am.

              

I am presently in the middle of emptiness and woes. I want to run to where you are – see you again and retrieve the love we used to share. I want to look into your eyes and say sorry for all my mistakes. I want to sit beside you once more and tell you how much I need you. But I know, I can never do that – woe betide me if I do! I know I must not and perhaps you would not allow me to.

              

That utterly hurts! It was just yesterday when we are holding each other’s hands as we dream to vow in front of God as we begin our walk to forever. It was just last night when we’re looking at the scintillating stars above as we hope to vide them endlessly together as one. It was just this morning when we are singing the hymn of our love as we think of our future inside the four corners of a home with our children playing their childhood games. It was only this afternoon when you said how much you love me. But tonight, they were all nothing but memories.

             

 How I wish to go back on those times! But God would surely forbid me in going back to our erstwhile days. How I wish to have back but you have already surrendered our love because of an inane reason.

             

I know that I am not in the position to ask anything from you but if you would let me to, I will ask you to keep our memories enshrined inside your heart. And, if one day you shall wish to bring those scenes back to life, come to me and you’ll always be welcome. You see, my world is in a peril without you.

              

However, if you have already erased me in your life and even in your reveries, I just want you to know that you are still holding my heart though you may not see it tonight.

              

Maybe what had happened betwixt us is a right love at the wrong time. And, who knows? Destiny might find us soon and place us inside the sacred zone to say “I do”.

              

Could it be that God wants us to grow apart first before making us one anew? If yes, I hope that we will not be duffers. True love waits but chances would not bother to do which. It will never be nice to spend a lot of time learning nothing especially when we must spend it for a different thing.

              

At this moment, I cannot wish for anything but for the air you breathe to enter your body as it carries my love for you and for the cool breeze to stay at your side in lieu of me doing such thing.

              

For now, even if it hurts to say goodbye and begin a new life outside your shadow, I’ll valiantly face it.

I love you abyss in my soul. How I hope that somehow, after this drastic storm, we’ll be together ever and anon.

From the heart,

The Lass You’ll Always Own

[May 2011]