The ball in the
sky suddenly stops, the dances up there pause for a while, and the music of the
breeze slowly dies. The sparkling stars become envious glances on me; perhaps
they resent me tonight, for my eyes shine better than the glitters on their silver
gowns.
Of course I remember
the past -- every piece, every parcel, of yesterday even it did not last. I
still can recall how everything began and how it ended so fast. I am familiar
with every memory up to this moment. The places, the language, the music, the
letters, the flowers, the poems and others -- even the noises, the blades, the
wounds, the tears, the scars, the chains and the whole process -- are real up
to this date. However, even ghosts get tired of haunting the living souls,
especially when stronger forces are present. What happened long ago will never
be erased but can always be replaced by the ones that are worth enshrining.
Memories of the good old days are still breathing, though -- but they are lifeless,
I must say.
Of course, I know
what befell in days of yore. I wrote them all with my feet -- and wrote them
again using my hand. They were recorded at the surface of an extraordinary paper
called time. No one, nil, can erase them in the book of my history. But, as a
song express, all these memories lose
their meaning when I think of love as something new.
Something new. I
step back to the gate of the past and find myself asking so many things -- whining
and complaining to God's angels. I frown and shake my head in disappointment. I
do not belong here, I whisper. I travel back to where I belong.
Now, here I am in
the present anew. I am, afresh, amid the safety of a world filled with the
things that I cherish the most. My dreams are here, replacing what was taken
away. I am surrounded by people that I starkly love. The moment utterly glows
as the air embraces my entire soul. I am complete, I have more than what I
deserve. The nights of solitude were over. The days seem to be incessant --
bridges and roads leading to a limitless time.
I do not miss
anyone, I do not regret anything. I already learned that to continue owning
your space inside the room of happiness, you must appreciate the beauty of what
you have and accept that some stories should end in the most drastic ways. Like
what I have read, one must look at the doughnut and not its hole.
I walk towards the
fireplace and sit beside him. I vide his face -- I discern the eyes, the smile,
the man I deeply love. There I realize that I am in raptures tonight because of
him. He is more than anything I could wish for -- more wonderful that the
reveries that I used to invent in my mind. He is not a daydream, far from a
pipedream. He is a boon from heaven, the reason why the angels failed me for so
many times then. Garth Brooks is right, some
of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers.
The stars are
still sparkling when I gaze outside the window. I close my eyes.
Not a single
creature could ever perceive how much I value his existence. No man could fathom
how my soul relishes his presence. The world may never know but butterflies
wander fain in the garden of my heart when there is light and fireflies roam blissfully
in the paradise of my dream during the night because of being in love again. I
may fail to tell the universe that he is more than a treasure to me but I am sated
with the fact that he knows it -- that is greater than the awareness of the
whole land.
[April 2013]
