First Christmas Without an Angel

(Late post. Hindi ito na-publish kaya pinost ko na lang dito.)

While many people relish the holidays, there are corners in this world where someone sits alone, longing for a loved one who will no longer be present this Christmas – like a mother whose heart breaks every time she sees the empty space that her daughter used to occupy beside the Christmas tree.

It is their first Christmas without their “little angel,” the family’s “apple of the eye,” Remedios Salarda-Chan said.

“Our Christmas tree and gifts make me feel the pain of Yanna’s absence. If she’s still with us right now, I’m sure she is always beside the Christmas tree, checking how many gifts she is getting and counting how many gifts she is giving to others,” she expressed.

On July 15, due to lack of facilities, 10-year-old Jannary “Yanna” Chan – who was in a critical condition – was taken from a hospital to another. Despite being assisted by two nurses from the first hospital with complete medical certificate and referral, the second hospital refused to accept the child because Remedios’ available cash on hand that time was only around P8, 000 to P10, 000. The hospital, demanding for P30, 000, did not change it decision despite the family’s pleading.

They decided to bring Yanna to another hospital. Haplessly, she succumbed to congestive heart failurey along the wa, July 16, around 3 a.m.

Christmases with Yanna

Yanna, the younger of Remedios and her husband Gregory R. Chan III’s two children, was already diagnosed of having congenital heart disease when she was six months old.  The illness, however, did not stop her from being a happy child.

“Yanna is a happy child, so sweet, friendly, charming, thoughtful and generous,” she described her daughter, adding that Yanna has been valiant all throughout her short-lived life.

Every Christmas, Yanna entertains everyone by singing or dancing, among others. Remedios remembered that Christmas of 2012 when she recorded a video of Yanna singing.

“She was singing a tagalong song, full of emotions. The song ‘Sana Ngayong Pasko,’ with actions. I was able to video that moment, but I deleted it because it’s really heart-breaking to watch it,” she expressed.

“We will always remember those Christmases with Yanna. I don’t think we will stop remembering such joyful and precious moments,” the mother added.

Last Christmas with Yanna

Remedios said it was only last Christmas when Yanna was dancing joyfully, entertaining everybody as she always does.

“We remember how happy she was last Christmas. She keeps on dancing to the music and entertains our visitor as well. She hugs and kisses us one by one after opening our gifts to her. She was also very happy and excited giving gifts to her friends, classmates, housemates,” she added.

She very happy and there was no trace that that would be the family’s last Christmas with her, the mother shared.

“Last year, really, was the happiest Christmas for her because she received so many presents, including gifts from her 40 classmates,” Remedios further stated.

Christmas without Yanna

Remedios defines this Christmas as a “different one.” Right now, “there’s a struggle to be happy.”

“[Different] because when she died, we felt a part of us also died. It’s very hard to spend our first Christmas without Yanna It will never be the same as happy as the Christmases when she was still alive. There’s a struggle to be happy because she was the one who always makes us all happy,” she said.

On the other hand, she said they will still celebrate this Christmas – “not just because it will make Yanna happy, but also because she is in the arms of the Creator now.”

“She is having grand time with our Creator right now. And that inspires us more to celebrate Christmas.... In my dreams, she, probably, would visit me this Christmas. In God’s time, we will be together again,” Remedios emotionally stated.

The family will visit Yanna in her grave this Christmas, though it’s hard not to see her smiles. Remedios said the family will also go to Manila and spend Christmas with people who are closest to Yanna’s heart. “They are not relatives but they are the persons who helped fought Yanna’s life for many years and stood with us up to her last breath.”

This Christmas, Remedios wants to tell Yanna that: “Yan, you’ve fought really hard, not only for your life but also for all of us. We thank you for the joy that you have given us. We will never be able to see you, embrace you, but in our hearts you will stay forever. We will always remember you as our angel who eases our problems with just one smile. I promise that I will never stop fighting for your justice. We love you so much and we miss you, more and more each day.”