Sabado, Disyembre 20, 2014

Disenyo

Walang bahid ng dumi,
Ang punda ng unang iniuwi,
Walang bahid ng dumi,
Ngunit may tagpi.

Ang tagpi ay inilagay,
Kapirasong telang sa butas inalay;
Para 'di na lumaki pa ang problema,
Tinapalan kahit kulay ay 'di tugma.

Noon sa pag-ibig ay nabigo;
Ngayo'y handa laging sumuko;
Kahit hindi akma,
Kahit hindi tugma.

At nagpaalam sa laban,
Aniya'y ito ang mainam;
Saka napagtantong walang tagpi,
Wala rin butas ang pundang iniuwi.

Ang mga tagpi ay sadyang disenyo lang,
Ipininta upang maiba ang unan;
Mga problemang akala mo'y dala ang pighati,
Sinukuan mo, 'yon pala'y pampatingkad ng ngiti.
[December 16, 2014]

Alon at Blusa

Minsan, maiinip ka sa panahon;
Maiisip mong malupit ang pagkakataon;
Sumasalungat ka sa alon;
Ngunit ika'y inaanod, 'tila pa malulunod.

Pero hindi ka matitinag;
Kahit walang pag-asang maaninag;
'Di mapapagod gumawa ng paraan;
Marating lang ang dalampasigan.

Subalit katotohana'y 'di maiiba;
Kung lalabana'y ikaw ang magigiba;
Habang nagmamadali kang umahon,
Lumilipas oras, nasasayang ang mga taon.

'Di ko mababago ang daloy ng tubig;
Nakapaghihintay ang pag-ibig;
Sumasayaw man ang mga puting prinsesa;
Ako ay ako, suot ang asul na blusa.
[December 15, 2014 9:52 p.m.]

Huwebes, Disyembre 11, 2014

WWI

Sa simula pa lang,
Ay natagpuang ganap,
Ang katotohanang naiiba,
Ikaw at ako'y 'di sila;
Sa panig ng langit, walang masama,
Ngunit tayong dalawa'y lito,
'Di alam kung pupusta sa laro.

Malaya ako, malaya ka,
Ngunit tayo'y malaya nga ba?
Kapwa takot, hahakbang ba ako?
Umaatras ka, nanlalamig at hapo;
Ako man ay napapagod na,
Bakit ikaw ang nakatagpo?

Ngunit umagos ang tubig sa ilog,
Walang dapat ikatakot,
'Di na ako lilingon pa,
Mangangarap at titingala,
Narito ang mga sumasayaw na tala,
Katabi ang buwang hugis letra.

Pumanaw ang gabi —
Literal at hindi;
Sumilay ang mga ngiti,
Nang maglapat ang ating mga labi,
Kanina, sa isang aksidente,
Na 'tinakda palang mangyari.

Tumingkad ang mga ilaw sa ilog,
Nagpaalam sa kahapong 'tila 'di susulong,
Inilatag mo ang pilak na sapin,
Sa damuhang kinumutan ng hangin,
Gabi na at madilim,
Salamat sa mga bituin.

May walang hanggan sa pasyalan,
May pag-ibig sa dyip na sinasakyan,
Naghihintay ang tren sa iyong paghalik,
Sa pisngi at labi ng 'yong langit;
Yakapin mo lang ako ng paalam,
Panaho'y darating para sa walang bitawan.

Ngunit isinasaboy ang mga talulot,
Ang mga puting bestida'y sumasayaw,
Alam kong ika'y nababagot,
Kung puwede lang akong sumabay;
Pero hindi pa tapos ang pagbibilang,
Nasa apat pa lamang.

Ngayo'y muling nangangamba,
Paano kung nagkamali pala?
Ayaw kong muling magdusa,
Ngunit isipa'y 'di mag-iiba;
Ang pagmamahal ay naghihintay,
Iibigin ka kahit ika'y magtagal.

Hawak ko na ang mga rosas,
'Wag ka sanang umabante o umatras,
Hindi man ito panahon ng palasyo't mansanas,
Lungkot ay 'di mo na madadanas;
Hawakan natin ang isa't isa,
Sa sugal 'wag magsisi... mahal kita.
12/11/2014 12:13 a.m

Patawad Ay 'Di Sapat

Ayaw ko na marinig,
Ang pagsabi ng: "'Di na Uulit,"
'Wag ka na lumapit,
Ako'y 'di rin mapipilit.

Gasgas na ang paumanhin,
Pa'no kita patatawarin?
Iisipin ng iba'y lagi mong pangamba,
Ako'y pagod na talaga.

Siya, sila, sa'yo'y mahalaga,
Ako'y 'di magtitiyaga,
May iibig pa't ako'y 'di mag-iisa,
Alam kong may matatagpuan iba.

Mahal kita ngunit kayang ko, sinta,
Bibitiwan kita, pati ang gunita;
Rosas ay nalalanta sa 'di pagkalinga,
Pag-ibig ko'y mawawala kung 'di ka pa tatalima.

[November 2014]

Teddy

Iniwan ka niya--malungkot, mag-isa;
Paalam na ba sa mga alaala?
Giniginaw, bagamat tuyo'y nababasa;
Sa ulang 'di nakikita, na waring 'di na titila.

Naghintay ka nang naghintay;
Sa loob ng kahong ika'y pinapatay;
'Di ka makahinga, sakal na sakal;
Sa yakap ng mga bestidang halos ikalakal.

Mahapdi ang pagdalaw ng mga gunita;
Kung alam mo sanang maiiwan ka;
Kung alam mo sanang ipagpapalit ka;
Ngunit panaho'y malupit, 'di man lang nagbanta.

Sa piling ng mga lumang prinsesa;
At ng tahanang noo'y laging sa mesa;
Pinipilit mong hanapin ang pag-asa;
Kahit walang napapala kung 'di sugat at pasa.

Pero 'wag kang mag-alala, kaibigan;
Oras ay mamamaalam, tatapos ang kalakasan;
At kung saan lumigaya sa kabataan;
Doon siya ngingiti bago harapin ang Kanluran.
[November 2, 2014, 12:49 a.m.]

Photo from weheartit.com

Lubid at Trumpo

Paikut-ikot, patakbo-takbo,
'Di makuha sa isa, dalawa, tatlo;
Ayaw magpatalo, seryosong-seryoso;
Sa lahat ng trumpo, ikaw ang 'di humihinto.

Paikut-ikot, walang balak huminto;
Sumasayaw sa semento;
Giling dito, giling doon;
Sinasamantala ang iyong panahon.

Mahal ka ng bata;
Mahal mo rin siya;
Ako'y tagapagpaubaya;
Lagi kang pinapalaya.

Alam kong masaya ka;
Masisisi mo bang hinayaan kita?
Umiikot ang daigdig, sinasabayan mo;
At ako ang siyang instrumento.

Ngunit, dumating ang tag-ulan;
Bata'y hindi nakalabas;
Nagpalitan ang tagsibol at taglagas;
Oras ay 'di na sa 'yo nakalaan.

Kasalukuya'y naging nakaraan,
Paalam sa mga laruan,
Ika'y binalik sa pinagmulan,
Sa bisig kong madalas mong iwanan.
[October 22, 2014, 12:55 a.m.]

Miyerkules, Agosto 20, 2014

Drowning in memories of a lost daughter

(I just want to post it here-- one of the stories that I wrote using my heart. A story of tragedy and love. Published in Manilla Bulletin on August 14, 2014)

“I cannot think of words that would describe or measure how painful it is to lose a child. Yanna is a big loss. She is the one bringing joy to our home. She is our life, I can say. She was our angel when she was still with us, and she will always be.”
 These are the words of Remedios “Tutz” Salarda-Chan, mother of 10-year old Jannary “Yanna” Chan, who died recently after being turned away by a private hospital in Butuan City because she could not immediately produce P30,000 required by the hospital as a deposit.
In an exclusive interview yesterday, Remedios opened her heart to Manila Bulletin – expressing  sorrow and pain.
 Yanna, the younger of Tutz and her husband Gregory R. Chan III’s two children, was already diagnosed with congenital heart disease when she was six months old.  The condition, however, did not stop her from having a happy childhood.
 “Yanna is a happy child, so sweet, friendly, charming, thoughtful and generous to everyone,” Remedios said in describing her daughter. She added that Yanna has been brave   and strong all throughout her short-lived life.
“She’s a brave child. Brave in the sense that she can endure all medical procedures, especially when she needed to be admitted and a series of laboratory tests had to be performed., such as getting blood samples every now and then, inserting intravenous lines aside from injections of high dosages of insulin four times a day plus taking a lot of medicines.  How can a child sustain and endure all these pains and yet remain happy, smiling, witty, thoughtful, generous?” she shared.
Early this year, Yanna was also diagnosed of diabetes with renal complications. 

Hospital and sorrow
Every time she hears the hospital’s name, the first word that comes into her mind is the word “sorrow.”
“Sorrow,” Tutz said. “Because it reminds [me] of the nightmare that happened to us on the night of July 15, 2014 that is causing us so much pain and sorrow right now.” 
She recalls what happened that evening. 
They were advised to transfer Yanna from the San Francisco Doctors Hospital in Agusan del Sur where she was confined since July 13 to a better-equipped facility due to the child’s emergency situation and critical condition.
“We travelled more than an hour in an ambulance accompanied by two nurses from San Francisco Doctors Hospital with medical certificates and a referral. We arrived at the Butuan Doctors Hospital around 8 p.m., and I rushed to the admission desk where I was turned away simply because my available cash on hand was only around P8, 000 to P10, 000 and they demanded for 30,000.” Tutz recalled.
“We pleaded to be admitted because of the emergency and Yanna’s critical condition, and it was beyond banking hours,” she said, adding that they explained to the woman at the admission desk that they can produce the remaining balance in a few hours when banks open. 
The admitting clerk was far from moved and shot back at the child’s mother.
"Malayo sa 30,000 yang hawak mong cash! Wala ditong charity, private hospital kami (The amount of money you have right now is too small. There’s no charity here, we are private hospital!),”
 Bent on getting medical attention her daughter desperately needed, Tutz continued to plead, stressing that Yanna’s condition is an emergency, to no avail.
The staff, she said, responded in Filipino: “That’s not an emergency! Emergency is when someone gets hit by a vehicle etc. You came from another hospital, you should’ve called us before leaving there to know how much you need to pay. You know that there must be a deposit before the patient can be admitted. And when in ICU, we need P30, 000 deposit, that’s our policy!” 
“We had no choice but to travel again,” Tutz said.. “While on the way, we were constantly coordinating with the attending physicians of San Francisco Doctors. There was no other way but to go to a farther hospital. But before reaching the hospital in Davao City, my daughter passed away.” 

Sweet ‘til her last moments
Yanna remained sweet and caring up to her last breath, Tutz remembered. 
“Gasping for breath with an oxygen mask on, she said ‘Kain na mommy, kain na daddy! (Mommy, Daddy, let’s eat)’ She just keeps on calling me and her dad. No other words uttered, only “mommy” and “daddy.” 
It was so painful for a mother to recall the scene of her daughter in her death bed.
“It was just too painful to see her not breathing anymore,  eyes closed. When the physician confirmed that Yanna is gone, Yanna’s dad said in trembling voice “Lapitan natin si Yanna, magpaalam na tayo habang mainit pa siya.’
“Teary-eyed, we approached our dear child and gave her our last tight embrace. We felt unimaginable pain.” 
“My other child, my husband and the rest of my family feel so much loneliness as I do. We used to hear Yanna’s voice, calling all our names. We talk to her all the time since she left us. I know time will heal the pain we are feeling right now. I just don’t know until when.” 

Viral social network post
“When I wrote the letter and posted it,” Tutz disclosed, “all I wanted was to just expose Butuan Doctor’s Hospital, how they treated us and rejected my daughter in spite of her critical condition, so people in the region would be aware.” 
She said she never thought the post would be shared more than a hundred thousand times. 
“I thank my friends and their friends who shared my post [on Facebook],” she expressed.
“Even people I don’t know are trying to help sincerely in trying to seek justice for Yanna.” 
“I have no message to the hospital,” she added. “What else am I supposed to tell them? My precious daughter is already dead.” 

With visions and memories of her happy little angel in mind, Tutz  sent out this emotional message to Yanna: “Miss na miss na kita anak. Sobrang mahal ka naming lahat.(I miss you a lot my child, we all love you so much), I am looking forward to be with you again in God’s time.”